Aween's Birth Experience

the most nerve-wrecking and feared moment, that i had been dreading ever since i knew i was pregnant...for most of my pregnancy i was able to not let the fear get to me too much, but i still broke down & cried in fear when reading other peoples experiences in magazines, online, friends stories...

so when week 38 came by, I was all mind-set & ready to face the reality of childbirth. then tunggu punya tunggu.....hmmmm, xde tande2 pun. hari2 samaaa je, sampai mimpi nak bersalin but bila bangun it was just me needing to empty the bladder. heheh


Me & hubby's plan (& flite tickets) were so hubby wud already be with me a week before my actual due date, and every single day in that week, we went out, almost semua shopping mall yang berdekatan lah ktorg pegi, coz doc told me to walk around ALOT to expedite labour. sooo we went to KLCC (siap terjumpa juya, azmi & alanna lagi kat mothercare!), pavvi, wangsa walk, kl festival city, uptown danau kota, aeon setiawangsa, etc, etc.. and the day before I gave birth, we went walking around titiwangsa lake! hehe, sakit gila tapak kaki becoz of my weight but lucky for me I didn't experience any swollen feet during my pregnancy :)

  looking back at this picture baru realized that i was super large!!

me & tummy during our walk exercise thru titiwangsa

 (perut mcm dah turun masa ni)

cternyer, at our last visit to d doc at 39 weeks, doc ckp dia xnak tunggu due date (EDD: 3rd April) coz baby besar already (weighed 3.6kg) takut nnt xle kuar pulak hehe, so she scheduled me to be induced subuh monday morning, 2nd April. Kna g admit myself at the hospital on sunday nite around 10pm... nervous coz the time was set for us, well....this is it...

*and baby decided to go against docs plan*

April 1st, 2012 (Sunday)


8.30 am : woke up feeling like going to the toilet (as usual) and felt a bit weird coz usually it takes me quite a while to even get out of bed, berat kan, tapi this time laju je, rasa cam badan ringan. thought about it for a bit but then went back to sleep thinking it was just normal

10.15 am : dah bangun for real. now still feeling ringan badan & realized that baby wasn't actively moving around like always. hmmm, decided to tell mom about it. Mama terus risau & told me to get ready to go to d hosp to check, sambil tu selawat & ckp kt baby to gerak just to make us know he was ok. I tried not to panic & kept thinking positive thoughts 'baby tngh tido nii'. After I had taken a shower & ready to go to the hosp, my mom talked to my tummy again & miraculously baby kicked once!! baiknyaa dia dgr ckp nekma! then we were zoooomm off to hosp. Hubby muka still pucat & worried, sampai drive pun amek jln jauh. huuu

10.45 am : arrived at the hosp trus pegi emergency, told them we just wanted to check our baby coz couldnt feel much movement & they terus sent me to the labour room area. nurse tu dtg bawak wheelchair but i said 'takpe saya leh jalan', 'puan duduk biar saya tolak'. so i sat down, which really felt unnecessary coz it wasn't like i was in pain or anything, hehe, rasa mcm mgambil kesempatan pulak.


11.00 am : was already at the labour room, I was their only patient that morning so I was fully attended to. I was told to lay on the bed coz they wanted to place the CTG reader on my tummy. So ada 2 wire lah connected to the machine, one to read baby's heartbeat, the other to measure my contractions, she left me and said she wud be back in 10 minutes to see the results. In the meantime, hubby came & sat with me, mama was outside in the waiting area, orang selain husband xleh masuk. So we both layan tv.


11.15 am : nurse came back with doctor, not my doctor but the one who was on duty, x ingat nama dia but baik jugakla. so they monitored the CTG readings and doc said dia nak check bawah, which meant a VE (vaginal examination), after doing so the doc said I was already dilated 3cm! errr, tapi tak sakit pun? I said to the doc, macam xcaye pun ada, mulala rasa cam doc tu salah haha. That meant I wasn't allowed to go out anymore, the time had come, I was on the way to give birth! what the...dahla dah set mind to be ready for admission tonite, tiba2 kna tahan trus. huuu. "Tapi nurse, saya belum makan lagi, mcamane?" , i had heard that once ur in the labour room, no more eating or drinking was allowed. The nurse replied, "laa, dah tngahri xmakan lagi ke? takpe la, mkn sandwich bolehla, berat2 xleh, then lepas mkn kna stop terus, takut nnt muntah". Satisfied with that answer, told hubby to find me something to eat, and he sent mama back home too. he bought me some scones and milo to fill my tummy.


note: the nurse & doc asked me if I wanted an epidural now, I really didn't know! I wasn't hurting at all, and I didn't know if i cud handle the pain when it came. In the end we just asked my mum, she advised me not to take it coz i wudnt feel d urge to push & she also said to hubby "azwin tu sebenarnya kuat tahan sakit, tapi selalu mengada2, dia boleh tahan tu", and that statement actually boosted up my confidence 100%. Honestly, aku pegi dentist nak cabut gigi pun mengigil ketakutan, inikan pulak giving birth??. haha, well mom always knows us the best!


12 noon : me alone in labour room, waiting for hubby to get back so i started smsing my girlfriends, in my mind 'ouhh, no wonder orang leh update fb when their in the labour room' but of course i didn't do that, just wanted the comforting words & support from my besties. Hubby comes back & we remember to take some pics (byk gmbr aku free hair hence the cropping hehe)

i stopped drinking & eating at 1pm & had to stay on the bed coz of the CTG monitoring. boring! so i played wif my handphone & watched tv (masa tu cter melodi kot). Hubby blum makan since morning so i persuaded him to go and eat something, i assured him i wud be fine, sakit pun belum datang lagi. In my perfect dream I had calculated that if I dilated normally (1cm per hour), I wud be giving birth by 7pm. I was excited & nervous at the same time. While hubby was gone eating the nurse came to check up on me 'Ada sakit2?' she asked, 'emm, xde lagi', she asked when was the last i ate and said she was gonna insert some medicine into me for easy pooping, it wud empty out my bowels (ohhh i just wish i cud have a dose of this everytime im having constipation!), main sms2 lagi then rasa cam nak g berry (buang air besar), went to the loo & had the most satisfying 'investment' ever! haha, kosong terus usus!


went back on the bed, and waited for hubby to come back, when he did I excitedly told him about my dump hahaha, so nothing much happened after that just waited around, me happy coz i wasn't hurting yet, and berharap I was dilating nonetheless. Nurse came back and put me on CTG again so I cudn't move around as much as I wanted too, baring je kebas badan, I was carrying a heavy perut kayy


3pm : nurse & doc come again to check on us right after cter Nona habis kat tv. The doc asked "dah rasa sakit2 dah?", now I was starting to get worried coz my answer was still the same. "No". "Kita check lagi skali ye bukaan dah berapa, relax sangat awak ni"<-- boleh blah tak statement?, so they did another VE, this time me & hubby noticed she was holding a long silver instrument and used it, I just thought it was for measuring dilation or something, then when I saw a glimpse of her hand I saw blood on the docs fingers! suddenly felt a gush of water from below, I tot I had peed myself. then the doc told us I had only dilated to 4cm in the past 3 hours, which was slow.


Doc tanye for the last time, 'jadi awak nak tak amek epidural skrg dah 4cm? lepas dah 5cm onwards rugi kalau nak amek coz nanti susah dah nak masuk jarum time contractions dah kuat', me *& hubby ikut nasihat mama, so we opted not to take it, in my heart i was just praying to god that i didnt faint or die when the pain actually comes!! hehe, the nurse added on, 'takpe if x amek epidural pun , if tak tahan ada gas or injection tahan sakit', so that gave me some kinda relief.


note: so doc blah camtu je, me & hubby cam blur kejap, ok whut just happened? hubby panggil nurse to ask 'apa doc buat tadi ye?', nurse bgtau, "ohh, dia dah pecahkan air ketuban puan, lepas ni mungkin kerap lagi la start sakit contraction", wokey slambe takde warning..


3.30 pm : sure enuf, started to feel small pain in my abdomen, mcm sakit perut nak berry, but then i tot, dah habis berry dah tadi, so I glanced over to the CTG scan, i cud see the contraction reader was moving, 15% contractions. yep, here we go!


slowly but surely my contractions were getting stronger. Aku tak buat pulak mcm my online pre-natal classes suruh, time ur contractions apart, chewah padahal dah hafal dah 5-1-1 rule tu :D boleh rasa la, sakit for a few seconds/minits? (felt longer than that tho), then slowly subsided. Masa sakit tu, mmg tak putus2 la baca selawat, ayat kursi, and segala ayat yang dihafal la, for me, it really attacked me at the lower back, time dah leh rasa sakit tu nak dtg dah suruh hubby cepat2 urut blakang dengan kuat, then when the hurt stopped baru boleh concentrate on HBO, haha, it felt like back pain plus at the same time sakit perut cam constupation sangat2..


makin lama makin kerap, and I actually amused myself by looking over to see how much percentage of contraction reading was coming out on the graph. Ada yang sampai 70% plus plus! I think, thinking of other stuff to occupy my mind kept me not thinking about the pain so much. of course in addition to hubby strong massages and reading ayat kursi wif me :)


5 pm : the doc came to check my cervix again, she was going off duty at 6pm, and my gyne (dr. fauziah) started her shift at 6pm. She checked the CTG and told me that there were fluctuating readings of my baby's heartbeat. Contractions were 'cantik sangat'. and she felt my tummy to see if baby had fully engaged. Unfortunately baby was still high up in my tummy, and was not proceeding downwards as he shud be doing by now.


After doing the VE, she told me I was still at 4cm. Ok, now this was when all my positive thinking, my energy & hope just took a downturn. I was demotivated. I felt like I had been so strong handling my contractions naturally but wasn't rewarded with progress. The doc then told me she had called dr. fauziah & they both agreed that my baby was very much big (in proportion to my body), sambil tambah ayat "ayahnya besar, maknya kecik, kesian maknya", me glancing to see hubby's face, dia macam terasa sket like "oh this is my fault now everyone keeps blaming me for being big" heheh. The doc continued her theories and said, doc bagi option ni, nak emergency c-section tak sekarang? patutnya by now dah open 7-8cm, but still no progress. 

Honestly my first reaction was surprised. Memang tak terfikir langsung la nak c-sec coz all this while we have had green light all the way for a normal delivery. So immediately I said 'Saya betul2 tak nak kena operate, please, if boleh nak try for normal, can I wait till dr. fauziah comes to hear her advice?'. The doc said ok, she wished me luck and went off her shift.


so then the contractions continued, and the gap between them seemed to not exist, my back was hurting immensely, I think more than my contracting tummy. I tried moving alot, eventho the CTG readers were still stuck on me, I tried sitting up straight, laying on both sides so hubby cud massage me easier. If it weren't for the CTG i think I wud be walking around the labour room to lessen the pain


7 pm : dr. fauziah comes in 'Assalamualaikum! baby taknak kluar lagi ke ni??' haha, i just had to laugh and replied 'itula doc, tak tau knapa ni'. So my doc quickly checks my records, and does a VE to see how much i had dilated, SADLY baru je 5cm :( she said 'patutnya by now according to ur contractions and how long u've been in the labour room u shud be giving birth anytime soon now' . She showed me my progress chart. Btulla cakap dia, contractions chart was 'cantik', perfect progress (means that I was already experiencing contractions ready to give birth but my cervix was still too slow in dilating plus baby was not fully engaging). progress chart dilation plak hampeh mendatarrrr (-____-)


now my doc plak started talking about getting an emergency c-sec, she still said it was an option but she would not allow me to be more than 8 hours in the labour room (which i was nearing to already!), but I was really blur at that moment & just said 'please doc, doc punya advise apa? if boleh mmg saya xnak kna operate'. Dr. fauziah said my progress was too slow, and baby's head was trying to engage (dah lonjong try nak masuk laluan) but still not fully going down, plus his heartbeat was fluctuating and inconsistant. she also said, 'takut nanti tunggu bukaan fully open nnt bahu baby pulak tersangkut' (sape tak horror dgn statement tu??) so for the safety of the baby, with a reaaally heavy heart me & hubby said ok.


7.15 pm : the nurse & doc terus prepared me to be sent to the operation theater, but the moment they stepped out of the room my tears came down like a waterfall, an indescribable feeling (will indulge more on what i felt in later posts) of disappointment, failure and defeat. I was to be cut open :( hubby was comforting me when the nurse came in to shave my lower tummy and said "eh, nangis ke?, jangan la gitu, kita memang merancang nak normal delivery, tapi Allah yang tentukan semua, InsyaAllah ok". Tenang jugakla hati bila dgr dia ckp mcmtu. Then the nurses pushed me down to the OT (fyi, contractions were coming like crazy, and lagi sakit coz hubby xleh nak tolong urut..huuu), we had to go down in the lift and once we entered the OT, hubby wasnt allowed to follow me in coz I was going to be asleep thru d operation. last glance at hubby & his face was worried sick, i think more pucat than me!


once we entered the OT, I was already starting to shiver coz it was damn cold, they told me to lay on the extra cold OT steel table and I did all that while cringing in pain, then a nurse asked "knapa Puan? sakit contraction eh?", "ha'ah" I answered between gasps of breath. "Oh, contraction mmg takkan hilang sampai lepas kluar baby". urghh. ada aku tanye ke? Aku bajet, at least ada bantal ke kan, hehe, jangan harap la nak kna bedah dia bagi bantal plak. then after a few minutes which felt like forever coz of my contractions, the anaesthetist came and stood next to my head and started talking to me calmly, "Puan saya nak masukkan ubat ye, kte kasi full so puan akan tidur thru operation, skrg Puan baca Al-Fatihah, Ayat Kursi and apa2 ayat lain". Tenang dengar her voice I started reading the ayats and think i fell asleep during Ayat Kursi

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

9.40 pm : Suddenly woke up to a sharp pain to my tummy/abdomen, and terus sambung baca ayat Kursi tadi, in my mind 'sakitnyaa contraction nii', so i decided to voice out my pain, "ouch, sakitnya perut!', then 2 nurses came (i cudnt open my eyes yet, n hearing was faint but getting clearer), i cud hear them talking tho! "Alamak, bius kat tgn kiri ni tak jalan la, tersekat!".. urgh.. what? I started shouting out questions, belum lagi start ke? perut saya sakit ni!, then a nurse came up to me, "its ok Puan, semua dah selamat, pembedahan dah habis, sekarang saya nak masukkan bius kat tgn kanan Puan ye". Haaa? dah habis??? so the pain i was feeling was my freshly sewn up wound! yargghh. despite my agonizing pain, I just had to ask "baby mana? baby ok? boleh saya tengok?", I was starting to shiver violently coz the pain was killing me, plus i was freezing cold. Nurse jawab "baby sihat Puan, ada kat nursery, suami Puan tngah azankan". After hearing that answer, I was just relieved, I felt "If tuhan nak amek nyawa aku skrg pun xpe" (tngah sakit pun boleh terfikir ayat drama kann), but the pain slowly subsided after the new painkillers started kicking in. So i just layed there


few minutes later, I hear my hubby's voice asking for me (I was still in the OT), and he came by my side and rubbed my cheek. I was still shaking, and hubby asked why and when I cud be taken to a proper ward. After much hustle n bustle they transferred me to the maternity ward. Nurse gave me the small button to control my painkinller dosage, if the pain got worse I cud raise my own dose! haha, boleh high kot, but I chose not to be too dependent on the painkiller and never raised my dosage. Dr. Fauziah also came & told us the real reason why baby had a hard time going down to d birth canal despite those strong contractions, his umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his tiny neck! Subhanallah! Syukur sgt that everything went ok & we opted for the csec (but honestly if we knew earlier we wudn't have waited till d contractions were full on! a risky operation for both of us!)


note : asked doc why they didn't detect earlier n why masa aku dtg2 tu tak terus ultrascan. Doc nye response is dat tali pusat terlilit kt leher baby is not smthing unusual, even ada baby yg lahir with it terlilit around their neck, only if terlilit kuat tu yang bahaya, if ktorg waited to hv normal delivery it wud have caused lilitan around his neck to be fatal. and yeah, X JWB SOALAN KAN. so relieved everything went ok.


10.30 pm : my mum & bro's came to see me. mama & hubby told the nurse to bring our baby to the room (I hadn't even seen him yet! hubby ada tunjuk gambar kt camera je), then the nurse came & sent him to us. I looked at him, & cudn't believe he came out of my tummy! he looked big all bundled up. Mama carried him & put him in my arms (I was still hurting from my tummy downwards- i hate operations!) and I just stared at him. It was magical. And I straightaway saw his daddy's features on him hehe, long eyelashes, batang hidung tinggi, mulut paling sama bentuk. Adorable!!

and with that. I became a mummy! (wow)

dah 3 bulan 9 hari baru post hehe

Two Lines

Month of Ramadhan, 1432 Hijrah (August 2011)

I was already in KK, semangat kemas rumah with all our stuff, interior decorating and learning how to start cooking simple dishes (thanx to myresipi.com website) for me and hubby to buka puasa. Berangan habis nak jadi housewife mithali while waiting for my masters intake ;) haha. 


Tapiiii.......berpuasa kali ni rase cam letih semacam je, first week of ramadhan, my parents were around, so we went out to buka puasa, i already started eating less, but then again, i didn't eat much then coz diet la kan, sambung dari kes gym-addiction before i quit my job.hehe

in the second week of ramadhan, my parents had flown back to kl, so it was just me at home when hubby went to work so i was supposed to be painting our doors and door frames white (which still haven't been painted till today ;p) and sorting out our stuff. 


I did get a lot of stuff done, but at a rate so slow i was even doubting myself, i mean yela, tiap tahun pun berpuasa, pegi jenjalan g site lagi tak penah plak over malas n penat camni, buat sket rase cam nak baring jap, but i forced myself to cook some dishes for dinner. I had fun doing them, like my favourite stuff, sambal kentang and spinach dishes but bila time nak buka puasa, i couldn't even telan what i had cooked, cam xde selera langsung tengok. Then I read somewhere that memang selalu rase macam tu bila kte yang masak, diri sendiri pun x lalu mkn, so i tot 'oh thats just like me'.



I just felt 'not hungry'. Sahur xlapar, masa puasa xlapar, mase buka pun xlapar. So i tot my headaches was coming from my malnutrition. Hubby pulak xsuka dia je yang kna makan everything so he would constantly be reminding 'nda payahla mau diet2 lagi tu, kurus sudaa'.

Then one day I felt like giving my car some spa treatment at the car wash, so I went out and waited at the car wash till it was our turn, I was standing for about 10 minutes and started feeling dizzy. Penat berdiri kot pasal tghari n puasa kan so I ignored my dizzyness. Then I started to see everything become outlined in black, n my legs started to shake..ok memang nak pitam so cepat2 I found a chair to sit on and breathed away the dizzyness. That nite I told hubby bout the weird pitam moment and he said 'ok esok kte kna pegi klinik check', I was like, adoi, perluke? apa aku nak cakap kat doctor tu 'oh saye rasa nak pitam masa berpuasa', macam alasan je.

Well, despite my reluctance, hubby still came and fetched me the next day during lunch, we went to the Family Clinic in Putatan and met Dr. Sharifah, shes from semenanjung too so i felt comfortable chatting wif her. I went in the treatment room alone while hubby waited outside & read the newspaper. After jotting down my details she asked:-


Dr. Sharifah: jadi awak sakit apa?


Me: Oh, saya just rasa pening nak pitam, xde slera makan and selalu constupated.


Dr. Sharifah: Ooo, dah kahwin ke?


Me: Dah dah


Dr. Sharifah: Ada check pregnancy test?


Me: (muka terkejut coz didn't see that question coming at all!) Oh, tak pernah la pulak. Hahaha (memang betul aku gelak). Tapi memang bukan pasal pregnant ni kot Doc.


Dr. Sharifah: Hmmmm, macamana doc nak terangkan ye. Lepas kita dah kahwin, memang akan ada kemungkinan untuk pregnant tau.


Me: Emm, ye saye tau, errr tapiii....(already shifting uncomfortably in my seat, mcm doc ni nak bagi ceramah 'birds & bees' plak kat sni kan!)


Dr. Sharifah: Symptom2 awak rasa tu are some of the symptoms that women will get in early pregnancy.


Me: Tapi doc, skrg kan saye tngah berpuasa, and plus saya takde pulak muntah2 or anything like that. Saya rasa maybe saye kurang vitamin or nak kena gastric x? (macam aku yang doc rite?)


Dr. Sharifah: Ada miss period x?


Me: Hmm (calculating in my head), bulan july belum lagi dtg la, tapi saya selalu lewat sikit period, especially if ada change in environment or physical activities. Like saya pernah pergi camp OBS for a month seblum kahwin, after coming back sebulan stengah period x dtg. So, seeing as I just moved from KL to KK, saye rasa normal je period saye lambat. (byk alasan aku kan)


Dr. Sharifah: Ooo mcm tu (sporting kan doc ni layan aku). takpe, if thats the case, saye test je dulu for pregnancy coz if pregnant saye tak boleh bagi certain ubat. If ur not pregnant then i'll give u some medication for ur constipation ok?


Me: Ok :) (dgn semangat 100% to prove the doc wrong)


So the nurse told me to give my urine sample and they did the home pregnancy test (HPT) and gave the stick to the doc. I was like, laaaa, ingat amek darah ke apa, baru reliable sket. guna HPT boleh je tendancy to be wrong


Dr.Sharifah: Haaaa, cuba awak tngok.


Me: (Leaning forward. Saw the 2 lines, mula rasa seram sejuk, yet my mouth still blurted out), Apa maksudnye ni doctor?


Dr. Sharifah: Betullah apa saya cakap tadi (senyum lebar doc tu coz dia 'menang' kan). These 2 lines means ur pregnant! congrats! now let's see how many weeks ur at, bla bla blaaaa (aku dah tak dgr dah doctor membebel coz i was thinking 'haaa, serious ke ni? how could that be? omgeeeeee mesti salah!')


After that the doc took out the round chart and asked when my Last Menstrual Period (LMP) was and she told me I was already at 6 weeks. HAA? I haven't even been in KK for a month yet! wow. So the doc chatted on and on about what i shud or shud'nt be eating, what to do next, vitamins i needed (she said I needed to start taking folic asid, usually women take them before even getting married so that they can bear children faster, I guess I skipped that stage then!), and alot more stuff that I couldn't fully digest coz I was still in disbelief.


Last I remember I was going out of the docs room & muka hubby was like asking 'so, syg sakit apa?', and the look on his face made me burst out laughing and I said 'u won't believe it!'. 


Hubby (who was used to my pranks and 'acting') terus cakap 'aaaa, jgn nak mengada2 berlakun ye'. haaa, i didn't say anything! so i just said, 'its ok, syg pegi je amek ubat kat counter nanti'. Sure enuf he went and d nurse said 'ok ini doc bagi folic asid, setiap hari makan satu biji, jaga makan and jgn bg isteri buat kerja berat ye'. Then it was hubby's turn tu be in disbelief and smiling away like a Cheshire cat!

And thats how we found out we were pregnant. But that didn't stop me from believing it was true so we went back and singgah pharmacy and bought out own HPT. I started doing a full google search on the possibility of false HPT results 


Why was it so had for me to accept that I was positive? Its because everything was unplanned for! We have been married and long distance marriage for 9 months. And eventho we did not take contraceptives or other medical methods to avoid pregnancy while we were apart, we did use natural methods coz we wanted to avoid me being pregnant alone while hubby was all the way in sabah. 

So how ironic would it be that once we stopped those 'natural methods' I find out im preggers right away? rasa cam terkejut, takut, xready, confused, ala2 bunting pelamin la jugak coz we were just starting our real lives together as husband & wife. It felt like it was alot to swallow. Mayb some wud think that im ungrateful on how lucky i am, but it was at that initial stage, I had mixed feelings, plus they do say that being pregnant is a roller coaster of emotions, and its soo true. I had never imagined we would get pregnant this soon, bajet nak try for a baby by the end of my final semester for masters which wud be in middle 2012. 


I really felt like Rachel from friends (season 8) when she found out she was pregnant wif Ross's child, "The sperms must have had tools or something" and Ross finds out that condoms are only 97% effective. haha

Tapi of coz kte as manusia hanya mampu merancang, only Allah knows whats best for us and in a way, I can say that since I had to move to KK I have never really been 'alone' kan? :)


My first try at doing the HPT by myself, internet said its best to test in early morning for the most accurate result. So it came out:

Two Lines

after that still tak percaye sepenuhnya lagi, waited a few days and bought the expensive pregnancy test~clearblue, if tak silap pharmacy tu jual RM19.90

Two crossed Lines

last kopek (after a few others), tried testing again just before we went to confirm at the doctor (a few days before our raya flight back to kl)

ok masih Two Lines

jadi, after 2 weeks from our first visit to the family clinic, the Home Pregnancy Tests still came out with 2 lines. We then went to Damai Specialist Hospital to make an appointment with the available O & G doc, Dr. Joseph. This was the last confirmation coz he was gonna do an ultrasound and if xde pape means xde lah kan.


Lo and behold, we saw a little white blob floating in my womb and the doc confirmed we were indeed pregnant :) that weekend hubby took me to buka puasa at Le Meridian and then we were on our flite back to KL for raya (tummy was at 9 weeks).

we told our parents during raya and thats the story of the Two Lines

from inception to departure - Part 1

(disclaimer: this story is only a re-telling of a fragment of my life, no form of defamation was intended)

2008

our final semester was over by April 2008, we were graduating in August, so in those 4 months i went to a total of 3 interviews. I was not looking for an immediate job, I wanted to start work after graduating (malas mode). I was already working part time at a consultancy.


Job interview No. 1- this interview wasn't even planned for, my bff Haida called me & asked me to go & try out for this interview she found in the paper, it was looking for Quantity Surveyors to work in Qatar. Mula2 memang malass sangat sebab rase belum ready, but lepas dipujuk Haida, ktorg pegi. oh still have a copy of the add:

haida siap highlight lagi tuk aku, thats how efficient she is :) so we went, we were interviewed seperately, by two Japanese guys, they were really nice & polite & even showed me a whole slideshow of activities in Qatar & their project. I was starting to get interested but didn't get my hopes up. Jauh kot Qatar! working 6 days a week ;p


a week after that i got a call from their headquaters in Qatar, they said i had succeeded the interview & they wanted to offer me a position straight away. I was unsure, but i just told them that i might be willing to accept & start only after i had graduated by end of August, they agreed & in the offer letter they emailed me, the starting date 1st September 2008.

Haida didn't get the offer, neither did our other classmate, so I was a bit skeptical about going by myself. So eventho I had already signed the offer letter (as they had to prepare a work visa for me), I started doing my research. I contacted my 2 seniors that were working & living  in the Middle East, Abg Farid & Abg Faizal (no not my faizal).I chatted with them through ym a lot & asked them every single thing i could think of. they were supportive, but a bit worried for me coz i was a girl & they were willing to help get me contacts if i decided to go :)


I was feeling prepared & ok with going there, 5 years contract. masa tu, sayang was already working in Sabah, I consulted him a bit, but me being the egoistic aween, if he said he supported me in anything i wanted to do, just that he was sad & worried about me, I really just thought he was jealous of me going elsewhere & trying to control me. betul, I really under-appreciated him then :(


In the mean time I was still in contact with the reps from Qatar, I asked them when I could sign the work contract to confirm. they told me the offer letter was it. okay, a one paged letter je? then after i kept on pressing them to sign a contract, they replied I only had to sign the actual contract when I reached Qatar. now that struck a suspicious cord.


I was unsure again & started asking Hunny (who was working in Dubai at the time) what I should do. She asked me the salary they were offering & told me it was way to low for me to save & survive, she said counter-offer the company, if not it wasn't worth it. after that I just felt like maybe I shouldn't go, takut!


sooooo, after thinking it through, i just decided to see how it went. if the company at the last minute offered to sign the contract in KL, i would at least consider, but they didn't. they kept calling & emailing me to remind me of my departure date & sent me the flite tickets & working visa. but in the end. i didn't go.


i decided to wait till my convocation was over before i started job-hunting, i sent out emails to a few companies on 31st August & waited to be called for interviews.

end of part 1

Lovely April

Im at klia's kfc counting the minutes away to board the 9am flite to kota kinabalu where i hope to arrive straight into the hug of my big teddy-bear husband.

pic taken on our romantic dinner at kl tower :)

this month has went by so fast, yet I feel like i haven't met my hubby for a year. maybe it was becoz i was in Ipoh for those 10 days, not being in our bedroom full of his pics, his cute artwork..yes, keadaaan sekeliling amat memberi influence kepada aku.

well seeing as im only blogging to spend the time away, i have in my list some pics to share on my close friends wedding & my ex-personal driver (tashaa i miss u so  much!!), what i did in Ipoh & oh, the lovely bday celebration food, loves and more food (u canNOT diet on ur bday, totally impossible for me).

this time around, im actually trying to sink in the fact that i have passed the quarter life age border, i am now in another age group. seriously, like just now i was filling in the online survey by klia before they gave me the access for wifi, age group 26-30. It feels like im supposed to have achieved something more by changing into the next age group..

question is..what have i acheived? these upcoming months im gonna reflect, re-plan and push myselve to strive for more. honestly i need a boost.

FaizalAzwin : Aweens Bridezilla Moments

Definition of Bridezilla :

>> The word bridezilla is a merge of the words bride and Godzilla

>> A bridezilla  is a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride. (Wiki)

>> A bride-to-be who, while planning her wedding, becomes exceptionally selfish, greedy, and obnoxious.

>> The tricky thing about bridezillas is that their transition from sweethearts to creatures from hell cannot be foreseen, not even by the future husbands.(Wordspy) 

is Aween a Bridezilla?

1) Time sanding atas pelamin, my eyes (rabun pun nampak ok!) terpaku kat baju ash (my emcee) and i saw dia macam tak pkai badge corsage tu! trus mata aku mencari wina (adik aku yg incharge mende tu) nak tanye apsal ash tak diberi badge! 

trus aku bisik kat haida (pengapitku), "ash tak pkai corsage!!", 

haida dah cam "ish, ada kot tu, jgn fikir dah, senyum!"...

candid aween muka mcm nak bunuh org je kat atas pelamin tu.

haha. i am such a psycho

*turun pelamin lepas tu pegi suh wina
 cari kotak corsage tu and bg ash
(memang nada bossy gila)

2) Masa sanding, makan beradab, berjalan, etc, sentiasa cuit and bisik kat sygku, 
"yang, make sure senyum!"..

3) the nite before nikah was a total of 2 nites aku tak tido at all, my grilfrens/bridesmaids sume duk sound "aween boleh tak pegi berehat jap, pegi tido, ko pengantin kot!", 

aku diam meneruskan isi door gifts nikah dlm bag kertas..then ain sound lagi.."aween, pegi tido jap boleh? aku tngok ko cam letih gila"

air mata aku mula menitis (kata emo), pasal aku tak sanggup tido tngok my girlfrens buat kerja aku sampai dorg sendiri tak tido, nangis berjujuran air mata kat situ ok, then terpaksa dorg pujuk aku (smbil sound jugak, hehe),

"apa tujuan ktorg kat sini if bkn pasal nak tolong ko?" (ok bler tringat rasa nak nangis semula), after that sume malas nk paksa aku tido, dah biasa dgn prangai aku yg emo :D tapi aku tido gak 20minits, seblum haida n wna sampai dgn brekfast McD ktorg

4) pagi nikah kul 7am, duk angkut kain & seterika nak balut meja nikah tu, kna sound dgn ain again

"win, ko pegi mandi skrg! biar aku buat tu!", aku jawab, "takpe2, kejap je"

then trus ain rampas kain tu..hehe, eh ke ini ain yg bridezilla? hahahah

5) Pasal Bunting & Banners, patutnya, sue from Qisdhi  dah cakap dia leh antar the buntings to me on friday morning, but aku nak hari khamis jugak (eventho aku yg bru order brapa hari seblum tu, kira lmbtla kan aku), so aku ckp kt sue aku nak g amek jugak sendri petang khamis tu, nasib baik kt sri rampai je, sanggup meredah jam (psl ada pasar malam) semata2 aku nak jugak gantung malam tu..craziness!

6) mengamuk kat Dzul de'classique tu, okla bukan mengamuk, tapi perli2 dgn nada sarcastic aku and trus buat muka tak puas hati kat situ. tetap nak suh dorg tambahkan balik every-single-manik (i am originally a drama queen anyway, haha)

7) Semua hantaran aku nak gubah sendiri, bukan pasal ape, pasal aku nk control design, jadi aku boleh guna bunga baby blue yang aku dah lamaaaa nak try tu, hehe..jadinya aku yang buat the main design and semua lah, lagipun aku suka yang simple2, kang org lain buat dgn renda2 segala..monyok plak muka aku time nikah tu nanti .heee, but of coz kak fid tolong sambung my initial design 3 of the remaining dulang which mmg cantik gila!!

8) Lepas aku purchase apa2 barang baru yang aku akan jadi obsessed dengan benda tu for at least 4 days (contohnya badge, bunga tuk dulang hantaran, veil, cincin etc). Dalam sehari aku akan belek satu-satu, susun kat lantai, amek gambar, then simpan elok2 dalam kotak, 2 hours after that, bukak kotak, then ulang routine yang sama..heee, thats how puas hati i am with stuff aku beli/buat sendiri, ini bukan bridezilla kan? ini psycho namanye, hehe

(ye sang suami aku pun naik pening tngok, ada satu time tu sebelum bertunang, aku keep on kluarkn cincin tunang tu dri kotak and letak kat jari, satu hari tu terlupa cincin tu still kt jari, memang membebel dah dia tngok aku nye carelessness..ehehehe..)

9) Hafal & masih hafal sapa yang datang and/or tak datang wedding aku, hehe..

masalahnya aku ingat everything, like sapa yang tak datang tapi dah wish or bg hadiah or at least had the curtesy to tell me why they couldn't make it..yang dijemput tapi xde response langsung on why they didn't come or even wish me 'selamat pengantin baru' i admit , sakit hati jugak sket (over -emo, yes i know that too)
 part yang kawan rapat (or aku je yang ingat rapat) yang kata lupa wedding aku tu, tah, aku terasa la jugak, totally salah sendiri, pasal silap categorize kawan,. haha, dlm hidup aku je dorg penting, tapi bukan vice-versa (oh aween ur such a loser!),

and note: yang penting bukan hadiah, its the thought that counts, geddit?..

 10)  Masih tanye kat Jenal what happened during my reception, like "dorg main ke song list aku kat dewan? aku x ingat/dengar", Jenal jawab "main la kot, aku mase tu sebok jaga parking", then I still keep asking him (degil!) and Jenal kna jawab "aween, wedding ko dh lepas kot, biar jelaaaaa"....aween jawab: "yeah, but we didnt do any post mortem, so i still wanna know"..ahhh, aku ni mmg annoying :D

11) Masa kat atas pelamin, sempat lagi bagi arahan on the spot and macam2 lagi yang aku tak hingat. sumpah aku takkan ingat pun if bukan pasal gmbar candid. jeez

12) pernah mengamuk , baling-baling barang dalam bilik and menangis sepuas-puas hati sebab terlampau stress fikir pasal duit, sekali je la i let my non-rational side effect me (lain sangat rasanya when u have to pay for totally everything. be thankful if ur not like us.heh)

13) merajuk & marah sayang 2 days before our solemnization, memang time tu marah teramat sangat memang xle kawal perasaan. it was wednesday nite right after i had finished my final spa session, syg picked me up from my bridal and wallah, he went to get a new haircut while i was at the spa.

dah tau dah dia nak potong rambut but i specifically told him 'jgn pendek sgt' skali aku masuk kreta and tngok, terus marah2 & i even cried ok (over nak mampus bila ingat balik, hehe) so lepas dah marah & syg dh rasa bersalah gila, i kol wina mengadu-damba mcm biase, sampai rumah ada dira, i mengadu kat dira pulak and she pujuk's me saying, 'aween! sgt okla rambut faizal tu! jgn risau, its nice laaa!'

dgr dira ckp macam tu barula rasa cam ok sket, at least org yg bru tngok rambut syg boleh ckp 'its ok' and yeah it actually was ok ;p ....kott..

(still looks too short on the sides but hey, whatever, hahah)

14) there were tonnes of times I would feel like giving up, especially when seeing other b2b's, how pretty they were, how wonderful their prep was.. it made me feel..so un-layak to be a bride, I really believed that I wasn't pretty enuf to be a bride, and I'm still not pretty, but my sis, bestfrens & syg knocked some sense into me before I got cold feet ;p yang penting we love each other. apa yang penting? haruslah kerjasama ;)

15) akan push semua org supaya ikut the timetable that i had made. card kawin mesti kena siap by July! (rule aku buat sendiri) maka aku akan follow-up, sms, call, pesture semua org yang berkenaan supaya siap pada bulan yang aku dah set..mesti, wajib, kena!

16) After wedding reception dah over kat dewan, makcik-makcik cleaner dah datang tuk mengemas, i took off my shoes, sangkut ekor baju pengantin aku over my shoulder and start organize pembawakan balik hadiah ke rumah. Also lari2 angkut barang susun depan pintu tuk menyenangkan my committee tuk angkut masuk dalam kereta. Huu, patutnya ktorg lepas reception terus gerak g photoshoot. tapi aku memang xnk pegi selagi tak pastikan everything settle kat dewan dulu. Hehe, dengan kepenatan aku mintak sapa yang tinggal tolong aku kutip sekali segala sampah sarap & double check semua meja angkut balik all my centerpieces. hasilnya ktorg gerak lmbt g photoshoot & no thanx to jln ampangs' famous traffic jam ktorg tak sempat habiskn shoot 

but everything happens for a reason, ktorg buat another photoshoot in KL 2 months after.

kesimpulannya, maybe a bit of the bridezilla characteristics had seeped into me, but rasanya aku banyak belajar tuk bersabar (itu apa yang aku rasa je, hehe, cant speak on behalf of my frens/family). untung la vendors aku sebab aku dah berubah, if you had dealed with the aween before, lagi nightmare la hidup korg! Most points, I dont think it was me being a bridezilla, but mostly me being my own wedding planner, xde org yang tahu details of the wedding as well as what was in my head :)

the loveliest thing is, even with all my cerewetness, annoyingness, tantrums and breakdowns, the one most important person stayed with me all the way and comforted me even if he was feeling just (if not more) stressed than i was. im so glad we went thru all this together syg :) it just went to prove we make a kick-ass good team & we cant live without each other eyh?

*i swear to god i miss you so much right now (T_T) *

Malam Jumaat

mesti korg ingat aku nak tulis pasal the oh-so-cliche thinking of what (mostly) married couples do pada "Malam Jumaat" (yang berfikiran blue senantiasa tu)

well, your right

tapi ini pun pasal aku dah makin muak dgn org buat joke "Malam Jumaat" tu maka aku nk huraikan satu persatu apa yang buat aku rasa mende ni takde lah lawak sangat (especially buat mereka yang suka buat this lame joke thru their social networking accounts and thru normal conversations):-

1) Repetition

Ok, so its mysteriously funny & exciting, kita boleh buat activity bersama pasangan dengan mendapat pahala bonus (untuk yang dah kahwin la, yang belum kawin , camane pun ko nak kejar pahala ni, dosa berganda je ko dapat). but kamonla, takkan every week ko perlu bgtau your family & friends the same thing/joke? Boringla dik buat lawak yang sama, which membosankan & turns out really annoying ;p

2) Menyedihkan

dgn hebatnya ko nak announce kat twitter/fb shoutout "yes malam jumaat! malam ni , makan besar la aku". Tahniah la kan. Ko dah kahwin! So you only have hubungan suami isteri on average once a week? hari lain tak dapat makan besar ye bang? kesian kesian...(entah entah tak dapat , tapi sengaja nak announce so that friends will think 'oh! hes THE man!')

3) Menjatuhkan Air Muka
ok ini hubby sendri yang cter tak puas hati kat aku (i am so lucky to have hubby yang berfikiran sama dgn ku), hubby met up his friend for lunch, isteri kawan dia tu pun ada, dorg bru kahwin, so hubby asks 'ko balik kampung ka mlm ni geng?' kawan dia jawab, 'ala bro, malam ni kan malam jumaat, aku tido hotel malam ni' (sambil pandang bini dia dgn muka geli2), so ok , buat statement tu skali sudah kan, ini hubby cter, kwn dia duk ulang scenario yang sama sampai kawan tu nye bini dh muka malu & marah. so cube cter kat..best ke camtu?best ke memalukan isterimu? xbest kan..cheh

4) Ilmu setakat itu je?

Tahu tak apa fadhlat Malam Jumaat yang lain-lain? mesti kena google baru nak tahu kan? (ok aku pun sama but at least aku tak narrow minded fikir Malam Jumaat buat satu menda je). Banyak lagi amalan yang kita boleh buat untuk mengejar pahala. contohnya bace Yasiin, mengaji, solat sunat, dll. and i quote " Hari Jumaat sangat besar di sisi Allah, bahkan lebih besar dari hari raya Aidul Fitri dan Aidul Adha, kerana di antara malam dan siangnya tersimpan masa yang paling mustajab, tidak ada tabir penghalang doa insan terhadap Ilahi."

5) Respect

bila kita bercakap tu, agak2 r, respect sket org lain, mungkin ada orang tak selesa dengan lawak ko yang tak lawak tu, depan family members, depan wanita lain yang mungkin membuatkan dia tak selesa mendengarnya, dan lain-lain lagi, kan tak pasal2, orang ingat ko ni kurang educated, duk cakap lawak ituuuuu je.

hahah..emo tak emo..aku lega dapat type pasal ni

selamat berWeekends :)

iklan