Aween's Birth Experience

the most nerve-wrecking and feared moment, that i had been dreading ever since i knew i was pregnant...for most of my pregnancy i was able to not let the fear get to me too much, but i still broke down & cried in fear when reading other peoples experiences in magazines, online, friends stories...

so when week 38 came by, I was all mind-set & ready to face the reality of childbirth. then tunggu punya tunggu.....hmmmm, xde tande2 pun. hari2 samaaa je, sampai mimpi nak bersalin but bila bangun it was just me needing to empty the bladder. heheh


Me & hubby's plan (& flite tickets) were so hubby wud already be with me a week before my actual due date, and every single day in that week, we went out, almost semua shopping mall yang berdekatan lah ktorg pegi, coz doc told me to walk around ALOT to expedite labour. sooo we went to KLCC (siap terjumpa juya, azmi & alanna lagi kat mothercare!), pavvi, wangsa walk, kl festival city, uptown danau kota, aeon setiawangsa, etc, etc.. and the day before I gave birth, we went walking around titiwangsa lake! hehe, sakit gila tapak kaki becoz of my weight but lucky for me I didn't experience any swollen feet during my pregnancy :)

  looking back at this picture baru realized that i was super large!!

me & tummy during our walk exercise thru titiwangsa

 (perut mcm dah turun masa ni)

cternyer, at our last visit to d doc at 39 weeks, doc ckp dia xnak tunggu due date (EDD: 3rd April) coz baby besar already (weighed 3.6kg) takut nnt xle kuar pulak hehe, so she scheduled me to be induced subuh monday morning, 2nd April. Kna g admit myself at the hospital on sunday nite around 10pm... nervous coz the time was set for us, well....this is it...

*and baby decided to go against docs plan*

April 1st, 2012 (Sunday)


8.30 am : woke up feeling like going to the toilet (as usual) and felt a bit weird coz usually it takes me quite a while to even get out of bed, berat kan, tapi this time laju je, rasa cam badan ringan. thought about it for a bit but then went back to sleep thinking it was just normal

10.15 am : dah bangun for real. now still feeling ringan badan & realized that baby wasn't actively moving around like always. hmmm, decided to tell mom about it. Mama terus risau & told me to get ready to go to d hosp to check, sambil tu selawat & ckp kt baby to gerak just to make us know he was ok. I tried not to panic & kept thinking positive thoughts 'baby tngh tido nii'. After I had taken a shower & ready to go to the hosp, my mom talked to my tummy again & miraculously baby kicked once!! baiknyaa dia dgr ckp nekma! then we were zoooomm off to hosp. Hubby muka still pucat & worried, sampai drive pun amek jln jauh. huuu

10.45 am : arrived at the hosp trus pegi emergency, told them we just wanted to check our baby coz couldnt feel much movement & they terus sent me to the labour room area. nurse tu dtg bawak wheelchair but i said 'takpe saya leh jalan', 'puan duduk biar saya tolak'. so i sat down, which really felt unnecessary coz it wasn't like i was in pain or anything, hehe, rasa mcm mgambil kesempatan pulak.


11.00 am : was already at the labour room, I was their only patient that morning so I was fully attended to. I was told to lay on the bed coz they wanted to place the CTG reader on my tummy. So ada 2 wire lah connected to the machine, one to read baby's heartbeat, the other to measure my contractions, she left me and said she wud be back in 10 minutes to see the results. In the meantime, hubby came & sat with me, mama was outside in the waiting area, orang selain husband xleh masuk. So we both layan tv.


11.15 am : nurse came back with doctor, not my doctor but the one who was on duty, x ingat nama dia but baik jugakla. so they monitored the CTG readings and doc said dia nak check bawah, which meant a VE (vaginal examination), after doing so the doc said I was already dilated 3cm! errr, tapi tak sakit pun? I said to the doc, macam xcaye pun ada, mulala rasa cam doc tu salah haha. That meant I wasn't allowed to go out anymore, the time had come, I was on the way to give birth! what the...dahla dah set mind to be ready for admission tonite, tiba2 kna tahan trus. huuu. "Tapi nurse, saya belum makan lagi, mcamane?" , i had heard that once ur in the labour room, no more eating or drinking was allowed. The nurse replied, "laa, dah tngahri xmakan lagi ke? takpe la, mkn sandwich bolehla, berat2 xleh, then lepas mkn kna stop terus, takut nnt muntah". Satisfied with that answer, told hubby to find me something to eat, and he sent mama back home too. he bought me some scones and milo to fill my tummy.


note: the nurse & doc asked me if I wanted an epidural now, I really didn't know! I wasn't hurting at all, and I didn't know if i cud handle the pain when it came. In the end we just asked my mum, she advised me not to take it coz i wudnt feel d urge to push & she also said to hubby "azwin tu sebenarnya kuat tahan sakit, tapi selalu mengada2, dia boleh tahan tu", and that statement actually boosted up my confidence 100%. Honestly, aku pegi dentist nak cabut gigi pun mengigil ketakutan, inikan pulak giving birth??. haha, well mom always knows us the best!


12 noon : me alone in labour room, waiting for hubby to get back so i started smsing my girlfriends, in my mind 'ouhh, no wonder orang leh update fb when their in the labour room' but of course i didn't do that, just wanted the comforting words & support from my besties. Hubby comes back & we remember to take some pics (byk gmbr aku free hair hence the cropping hehe)

i stopped drinking & eating at 1pm & had to stay on the bed coz of the CTG monitoring. boring! so i played wif my handphone & watched tv (masa tu cter melodi kot). Hubby blum makan since morning so i persuaded him to go and eat something, i assured him i wud be fine, sakit pun belum datang lagi. In my perfect dream I had calculated that if I dilated normally (1cm per hour), I wud be giving birth by 7pm. I was excited & nervous at the same time. While hubby was gone eating the nurse came to check up on me 'Ada sakit2?' she asked, 'emm, xde lagi', she asked when was the last i ate and said she was gonna insert some medicine into me for easy pooping, it wud empty out my bowels (ohhh i just wish i cud have a dose of this everytime im having constipation!), main sms2 lagi then rasa cam nak g berry (buang air besar), went to the loo & had the most satisfying 'investment' ever! haha, kosong terus usus!


went back on the bed, and waited for hubby to come back, when he did I excitedly told him about my dump hahaha, so nothing much happened after that just waited around, me happy coz i wasn't hurting yet, and berharap I was dilating nonetheless. Nurse came back and put me on CTG again so I cudn't move around as much as I wanted too, baring je kebas badan, I was carrying a heavy perut kayy


3pm : nurse & doc come again to check on us right after cter Nona habis kat tv. The doc asked "dah rasa sakit2 dah?", now I was starting to get worried coz my answer was still the same. "No". "Kita check lagi skali ye bukaan dah berapa, relax sangat awak ni"<-- boleh blah tak statement?, so they did another VE, this time me & hubby noticed she was holding a long silver instrument and used it, I just thought it was for measuring dilation or something, then when I saw a glimpse of her hand I saw blood on the docs fingers! suddenly felt a gush of water from below, I tot I had peed myself. then the doc told us I had only dilated to 4cm in the past 3 hours, which was slow.


Doc tanye for the last time, 'jadi awak nak tak amek epidural skrg dah 4cm? lepas dah 5cm onwards rugi kalau nak amek coz nanti susah dah nak masuk jarum time contractions dah kuat', me *& hubby ikut nasihat mama, so we opted not to take it, in my heart i was just praying to god that i didnt faint or die when the pain actually comes!! hehe, the nurse added on, 'takpe if x amek epidural pun , if tak tahan ada gas or injection tahan sakit', so that gave me some kinda relief.


note: so doc blah camtu je, me & hubby cam blur kejap, ok whut just happened? hubby panggil nurse to ask 'apa doc buat tadi ye?', nurse bgtau, "ohh, dia dah pecahkan air ketuban puan, lepas ni mungkin kerap lagi la start sakit contraction", wokey slambe takde warning..


3.30 pm : sure enuf, started to feel small pain in my abdomen, mcm sakit perut nak berry, but then i tot, dah habis berry dah tadi, so I glanced over to the CTG scan, i cud see the contraction reader was moving, 15% contractions. yep, here we go!


slowly but surely my contractions were getting stronger. Aku tak buat pulak mcm my online pre-natal classes suruh, time ur contractions apart, chewah padahal dah hafal dah 5-1-1 rule tu :D boleh rasa la, sakit for a few seconds/minits? (felt longer than that tho), then slowly subsided. Masa sakit tu, mmg tak putus2 la baca selawat, ayat kursi, and segala ayat yang dihafal la, for me, it really attacked me at the lower back, time dah leh rasa sakit tu nak dtg dah suruh hubby cepat2 urut blakang dengan kuat, then when the hurt stopped baru boleh concentrate on HBO, haha, it felt like back pain plus at the same time sakit perut cam constupation sangat2..


makin lama makin kerap, and I actually amused myself by looking over to see how much percentage of contraction reading was coming out on the graph. Ada yang sampai 70% plus plus! I think, thinking of other stuff to occupy my mind kept me not thinking about the pain so much. of course in addition to hubby strong massages and reading ayat kursi wif me :)


5 pm : the doc came to check my cervix again, she was going off duty at 6pm, and my gyne (dr. fauziah) started her shift at 6pm. She checked the CTG and told me that there were fluctuating readings of my baby's heartbeat. Contractions were 'cantik sangat'. and she felt my tummy to see if baby had fully engaged. Unfortunately baby was still high up in my tummy, and was not proceeding downwards as he shud be doing by now.


After doing the VE, she told me I was still at 4cm. Ok, now this was when all my positive thinking, my energy & hope just took a downturn. I was demotivated. I felt like I had been so strong handling my contractions naturally but wasn't rewarded with progress. The doc then told me she had called dr. fauziah & they both agreed that my baby was very much big (in proportion to my body), sambil tambah ayat "ayahnya besar, maknya kecik, kesian maknya", me glancing to see hubby's face, dia macam terasa sket like "oh this is my fault now everyone keeps blaming me for being big" heheh. The doc continued her theories and said, doc bagi option ni, nak emergency c-section tak sekarang? patutnya by now dah open 7-8cm, but still no progress. 

Honestly my first reaction was surprised. Memang tak terfikir langsung la nak c-sec coz all this while we have had green light all the way for a normal delivery. So immediately I said 'Saya betul2 tak nak kena operate, please, if boleh nak try for normal, can I wait till dr. fauziah comes to hear her advice?'. The doc said ok, she wished me luck and went off her shift.


so then the contractions continued, and the gap between them seemed to not exist, my back was hurting immensely, I think more than my contracting tummy. I tried moving alot, eventho the CTG readers were still stuck on me, I tried sitting up straight, laying on both sides so hubby cud massage me easier. If it weren't for the CTG i think I wud be walking around the labour room to lessen the pain


7 pm : dr. fauziah comes in 'Assalamualaikum! baby taknak kluar lagi ke ni??' haha, i just had to laugh and replied 'itula doc, tak tau knapa ni'. So my doc quickly checks my records, and does a VE to see how much i had dilated, SADLY baru je 5cm :( she said 'patutnya by now according to ur contractions and how long u've been in the labour room u shud be giving birth anytime soon now' . She showed me my progress chart. Btulla cakap dia, contractions chart was 'cantik', perfect progress (means that I was already experiencing contractions ready to give birth but my cervix was still too slow in dilating plus baby was not fully engaging). progress chart dilation plak hampeh mendatarrrr (-____-)


now my doc plak started talking about getting an emergency c-sec, she still said it was an option but she would not allow me to be more than 8 hours in the labour room (which i was nearing to already!), but I was really blur at that moment & just said 'please doc, doc punya advise apa? if boleh mmg saya xnak kna operate'. Dr. fauziah said my progress was too slow, and baby's head was trying to engage (dah lonjong try nak masuk laluan) but still not fully going down, plus his heartbeat was fluctuating and inconsistant. she also said, 'takut nanti tunggu bukaan fully open nnt bahu baby pulak tersangkut' (sape tak horror dgn statement tu??) so for the safety of the baby, with a reaaally heavy heart me & hubby said ok.


7.15 pm : the nurse & doc terus prepared me to be sent to the operation theater, but the moment they stepped out of the room my tears came down like a waterfall, an indescribable feeling (will indulge more on what i felt in later posts) of disappointment, failure and defeat. I was to be cut open :( hubby was comforting me when the nurse came in to shave my lower tummy and said "eh, nangis ke?, jangan la gitu, kita memang merancang nak normal delivery, tapi Allah yang tentukan semua, InsyaAllah ok". Tenang jugakla hati bila dgr dia ckp mcmtu. Then the nurses pushed me down to the OT (fyi, contractions were coming like crazy, and lagi sakit coz hubby xleh nak tolong urut..huuu), we had to go down in the lift and once we entered the OT, hubby wasnt allowed to follow me in coz I was going to be asleep thru d operation. last glance at hubby & his face was worried sick, i think more pucat than me!


once we entered the OT, I was already starting to shiver coz it was damn cold, they told me to lay on the extra cold OT steel table and I did all that while cringing in pain, then a nurse asked "knapa Puan? sakit contraction eh?", "ha'ah" I answered between gasps of breath. "Oh, contraction mmg takkan hilang sampai lepas kluar baby". urghh. ada aku tanye ke? Aku bajet, at least ada bantal ke kan, hehe, jangan harap la nak kna bedah dia bagi bantal plak. then after a few minutes which felt like forever coz of my contractions, the anaesthetist came and stood next to my head and started talking to me calmly, "Puan saya nak masukkan ubat ye, kte kasi full so puan akan tidur thru operation, skrg Puan baca Al-Fatihah, Ayat Kursi and apa2 ayat lain". Tenang dengar her voice I started reading the ayats and think i fell asleep during Ayat Kursi

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9.40 pm : Suddenly woke up to a sharp pain to my tummy/abdomen, and terus sambung baca ayat Kursi tadi, in my mind 'sakitnyaa contraction nii', so i decided to voice out my pain, "ouch, sakitnya perut!', then 2 nurses came (i cudnt open my eyes yet, n hearing was faint but getting clearer), i cud hear them talking tho! "Alamak, bius kat tgn kiri ni tak jalan la, tersekat!".. urgh.. what? I started shouting out questions, belum lagi start ke? perut saya sakit ni!, then a nurse came up to me, "its ok Puan, semua dah selamat, pembedahan dah habis, sekarang saya nak masukkan bius kat tgn kanan Puan ye". Haaa? dah habis??? so the pain i was feeling was my freshly sewn up wound! yargghh. despite my agonizing pain, I just had to ask "baby mana? baby ok? boleh saya tengok?", I was starting to shiver violently coz the pain was killing me, plus i was freezing cold. Nurse jawab "baby sihat Puan, ada kat nursery, suami Puan tngah azankan". After hearing that answer, I was just relieved, I felt "If tuhan nak amek nyawa aku skrg pun xpe" (tngah sakit pun boleh terfikir ayat drama kann), but the pain slowly subsided after the new painkillers started kicking in. So i just layed there


few minutes later, I hear my hubby's voice asking for me (I was still in the OT), and he came by my side and rubbed my cheek. I was still shaking, and hubby asked why and when I cud be taken to a proper ward. After much hustle n bustle they transferred me to the maternity ward. Nurse gave me the small button to control my painkinller dosage, if the pain got worse I cud raise my own dose! haha, boleh high kot, but I chose not to be too dependent on the painkiller and never raised my dosage. Dr. Fauziah also came & told us the real reason why baby had a hard time going down to d birth canal despite those strong contractions, his umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his tiny neck! Subhanallah! Syukur sgt that everything went ok & we opted for the csec (but honestly if we knew earlier we wudn't have waited till d contractions were full on! a risky operation for both of us!)


note : asked doc why they didn't detect earlier n why masa aku dtg2 tu tak terus ultrascan. Doc nye response is dat tali pusat terlilit kt leher baby is not smthing unusual, even ada baby yg lahir with it terlilit around their neck, only if terlilit kuat tu yang bahaya, if ktorg waited to hv normal delivery it wud have caused lilitan around his neck to be fatal. and yeah, X JWB SOALAN KAN. so relieved everything went ok.


10.30 pm : my mum & bro's came to see me. mama & hubby told the nurse to bring our baby to the room (I hadn't even seen him yet! hubby ada tunjuk gambar kt camera je), then the nurse came & sent him to us. I looked at him, & cudn't believe he came out of my tummy! he looked big all bundled up. Mama carried him & put him in my arms (I was still hurting from my tummy downwards- i hate operations!) and I just stared at him. It was magical. And I straightaway saw his daddy's features on him hehe, long eyelashes, batang hidung tinggi, mulut paling sama bentuk. Adorable!!

and with that. I became a mummy! (wow)

dah 3 bulan 9 hari baru post hehe