i just realized..i go back to my blog when i feel most stressed & lonely..just to read what has happened in my life & have that feeling that im actually talking to someone who doesn't judge..but just...listens..
is been a while since i have had the effort to put in a new post..which also means that i've been to lazy to flashback on what i've done all this while..skarang bler otak ni rasa dh sampai ke kemuncak stress..i think..i need to write it down (yela kate pon macam diary)
i have the habit of over-stressing myself...that i admit...and as i can recall i've always highlighted that as one of my weeknesses everytime i go for job interviews..i can be a freaking workaholic and all, but hell yeah..i tend to put pressure on myself to make me work harder but sometimes it doesn't work and i end up feeling over-loaded with work & super unsufficient :(
i hate it when i cna't control things..and im becoming a person that i don't even recognize..letting people step on my head...when i am so full of ego in reality..i just store it all in and will only wait when everything will burst out..uhhh..
ye...ini ialah S.T.R.E.S.S.
diulangi... S.T.R.E.S.S.! !
sedangkan..there are a lot of things that have happened that i am so thankful & happy for
1) Me & Sayang got engaged :)
setelah a lot of thought & preperation by the 2 of us..we got engaged on 10.10.09
i was so happy that everything went so smoothly and as I planned (please emphasize on the 'I') hahaha..just becoz im such a control freak (tapi ada la hiccups dia which was overcome with help from my beloved syg, my mum & of coz..my PuRe)
2) My batch n me got CONFIRMED in PNB :)
after one whole year working at PNB
after the 2 months full of classes that i didn't understand most of the time (investment related)
after repeatedly having to take tests/quizzes
after 25 full days of physical torture at OBS, Lumut,
after three months of rotating from one department to another, having assessments & presentations every fortnight
after having to be finally separated into our respective departments to go thru our 6 month long probation period
after going thru the emotional roller-coasters of the normalities of a quarter-life crisis
a'ah im over-exagerating it..but its the truth..ahahaha
ok la...nnt nak letak following post yang penuh dgn pics..ahhh...see..im feeling less stressed already....just needed to get out the junk :)
what am i doing at the office at 6.30 p.m. when im supposed to be off from work at 5 p.m.? hehehehe..im just lazing around!!! all of my officemates dah blah & im loitering around cyber world..waiting for time to go by sooner...im thinking of changing my blog settings..becoz i get bored looking at it..boring..boring..boring..ok, nak balik..nak cter the rest of my obs pon dah malas..aduhaii..hehehe..till im rajin..im outta here (office).
I finally got some time to post about what happened to me at OBML (which stands for Outward Bound Malaysia Lumut)
so how did I end up signing myself to join this course??. Jawapannya = paksa rela, tapi very much anticipating & excited to go.
As the story goes, our company is one of the loyal providers of participants for this course (penuh 25 days nye course..tak main la 7 days, 10 days) and it was compulsory for us (Management Trainees) to go..for all the soft skills that they couldn't drill into our heads during the 2 months classes & 3 months rotation..hehehe
so we were set to go on the 25.03.09, sedangkan our final presentation was on the day before..i had never had such a headache over packing..(i am a veryyy slow packer)
and this is what happened.....
25.03.09 <0600>
woke up usual today..bags packed, excited however heavy hearted to be thinking i wouldn't be able to be online or talk on the phone with my sayang for almost a month..seriously that was the only thing bugging me all the time..
mama sent me to the office & i met up with the rest of my also excited clan :) most of us looked like we going on vacation, some of us brought bags so big it looked like they were going to migrate to another city..hahahaha
the bus arrived around0920 and we conquered the whole bus..just the 13 of us :) the bus driver was cool..we watched 2 movies on the way to Lumut, the Italian Job & Mr. & Mrs. Smith..but i slept halfway of the journey anyway.hahahajust an hour before we reached our destination we went for a stop at McD for lunch (bungkus je) coz we figured that would be the last time we could eat fastfood for a long time..(there went my boikot -_-)time ni cerah lagi yer kami..heee
finally we reached OBML, right next to the sea, beautiful views and breathtaking green + blue scenary =)
Syafiq helped me a lot in terms of carrying my bags yang berat cam batu =D tq my dear syafiq..dia dah macam my lil bro dah..hehe
we had registration at 1400 and we had time to lepak2 around before that..so time to take pics
we were then divided into 2 ‘watches’, groups of 13 where we had to mix with the self-sponsored participants..which truthfully saying, I was a bit rebellious in the beginning..i didn’t understand the motif of dividing us when we were already in a group of 13 people..huhu..anyway..it turned out for the best & that’s why I always believe that everything happens for a reason..
i bet if the instructors didn’t divide us up we would be in working hell right now at the office..hating each others guts..hahahah
there was group ‘Jerai’ & ‘Trusmadi’..all the watches were named after the mountains in M’sia..
so were the dorms, then cam the time we had to give up our identification cards, money, wallets, junk food :( handphones !! time ni I was menahan my tears gler2..while still talking to syg on the phone..giler depressing tau x?? adoi..dahla syg was still saying ‘ini last ka aku dapat dgr suara an-chan?’ ..sebak gler dgn ke-blur-an bf ku..huuuu
after my internal drama we headed off to our dorms to put our heavy-patah-bahu bags & started off the opening ceremony..
<1830>
This is the time we have dinner every evening, the food was good..
but nearing the end my appetite was starting to decrease (as if I eat a lot to begin with anyway)
sebab kepenatan extreme & melampau sampai nak terputus urat, otot membengkak & kulit tercedera (disklemer: segala ayat atau ungkapan di dalam entry OBML adalah benar & sengaja di-hyperbolakan.sekian)
<2000>
We met up with our instructors in our respective watch & for the 1st night of the course we were required to write down, what were our objectives coming to OBS (OutboundSchool) & what we think we could contribute to our group, over the next 25 days..
Thinking what my objective coming there was simple..it was because we had to = COMPULSORY..so objective aku adalah untuk memenuhi kriteria company? Nahhh..i couldn’t put that..if I did then all 13 of us would have the same objective..so I put
“To realize my true capability”
which is very much true..i was hoping to find out if I could kayak in long distances, sleep, bathe & cook wherever they threw us, swim in he middle of the ocean, etc..etc..
Now what could I contribute to my group? Hmmm..i didn’ know half of the watch then, so..i was thinking, what the hell am I good at? I can’t contribute to cooking, especially atas kayu bara api..perh..and I can’t kill leaches..so I put I can contribute : ”WORDS of motivation” note the words..it specifically means that I can talk but it doesn’t mean im motivated myself..hahahaha..but I think only I understood my contribution :)
<2130>
We had our night cap -donuts- which made me a bit happier..hehehe..ela tu abit..sangat happy makan donut..then we went back to our dorms to sleeeeep..
THAT IS HOW DAY 1 ENDED. NEXT ENTRY! -What we did after in the first week~ to be continued
wondering what 'paing' is?..menurut my faizal it means 'bad habit' in Sabahan or Bahasa Bajau (x sure la pulak! hahah)
ok...so im here to list out some of my addictions..of which soon i am to be deprived of:-
the voice of my heartbeat (faizal la tu)
the internet
facebook
yahoo messenger
phone calls
sms-ing
my darling 'PuRe's (slalunye thru ym & calls pon)
celebrating my birthday with bff's
sleeping with the lights off (if I sleep alone I don't switch off the lights)
listening to my playlist berulang2..
my kung-fu teddy bear
nangis malam2 xde orang nak dodoikan me too sleep ;(
REASONS:-
next Wednesday (25th March '09-18th April '09) i'll be off to 'Out Bound School, Malaysia' in LUMUT, PERAK for one (1) freaking month
http://outwardbound.my/about
~don't get me wrong..i love outdoor activities, the only thing bugging me is i cant talk to my sygness for 25 days? i dont think i can survive..damn it..kalu aku kna gigit pacat aku nak mengadu dgn sape? jeez..inconsiderate btul la dorg ni ;(
~im gonna be burnt by the scorching sun..which is guaranteed menurut my more experienced fellow MT's...GREAT..bertambah 'putih' pulak free2..thank goodness im not getting married this year! hahaha..no offense eija..ko mmg cerah..xde effect sgt kot..
~and then my birthday is on the 13th April, so that means im gonna spend my birthday far away from my frens and worst still..without my hand-phone..ish (buat my frens di luar sane, dont make this an excuse to not send me those annual birthday wishes ek, make sure u sms me at 013-8510087..no lame dah kna bar la..hahahaha..cam x biase plak)
~i found a blog about a guy who wnet to OBML oso..dapatla bayangan sket2..but he only went for the 7-day course..so, im getting for the 25-days..dem
my busuk si gila lil' sis is going off to PLKN early tomoro morning to the camp in SIBU, SARAWAK (jauh gler mgada tul gomen ni)
~huuuuuuuu..sedihla jugak seeing xde perut buncet untuk aku gelakkan & ejek..oso..dia yang slalu teman aku gi shopping, makan donut and all the other stuff..hahah ;(
~i hope she gets lots of new frens & builds up her character over there! chayok2 si buncet! & jangan lupa kol mama cakap pasal how good the detergent u use is at the camp (ikut iklan detergent-PLKN dlu2)..yang paling penting..be really tanned when u come back so we will have the same skin tone when u come back (so ppl will think we were born that colour! hahah)
im at work rite now..now our group rotation has gone into its 2nd department and me, adam, zura, nad n syafique are in research dept..and i must say...it is a relief and a big break from constant stress and pressure from the past 2 weeks..where i felt like ripping out all my hair and screaming my lungs out..hahah..tapi bler sampai rumah je la kan..orang yang paling jadi mangsa stress aku tentula org paling rapat and menguasai peratusan yg tinggi dlm hatiku..hahaha..im so sorry baby..
tngok la bertapa relaxnye aku skrg! i even have time to update my blog, sedangkan kt umah pon sentiase rase xde mase nk update..hahaha
cuti CNY for me was quite boring this year..boring sgt..i hate having nothing to do..nowhere to go..and having tons of time for me to waste..my mind only can think bitterly of how long it has since ive seen faizal..about how unfair being apart is..and how much i miss everything about him..aduh..saket..
saket..
benci =(
anyway..i did spend my holiday catching up on the latest episodes of gossip girl and desperate housewives..hahah.. boring kan..sedih kan ..ada gak lpak2 wif jnal+mirul tngok inkheart kt MBO
dis week is nik & nuruls nikah ceremony..i still dont have anything to wear to go..sume baju kurung or traditional in my closet has officially transformed into my work wear so i really have nothing!
okla..xde idea for now..maybe after lunch (aku mmg pekerja yg xde kerja-for now)
i love making resolutions every year..although i know at the back of my mind that i don't always stick to them in the end..but..resolutions make us work hard to achieve them..and gives us new hope to start the year..here goes...
1. TO LOSE WEIGHT..aku tak kesah..even 1 kg would be an achievement.. but hopefully more than that..and eat healthy....more fruits less junk..which i have a lot..hee
2. PLAN MY MONEY MORE WISELY..write down all my expenditures and pay my bills on time
3. TRIP TO PERHENTIAN..i've been anticipating this trip since last year..
4. MEET MY FUTURE IN-LAWS..which would be trips to sabah..yay..can also be considered as vacations..coz syg has to bring me to the best beaches and mount kinabalu too! haha
5. GET CONTROL OF MY EGO..i've tried this since last year..it's the hardest resolution to stick to
6. JOIN AN AEROBICS CLASS..or martial arts for women..my syg yang cadangkan
7. WORK SMART & GET CONFIRMED IN PNB..i'm gonna have to struggle coz im lost in the financial world..huhu
8. STOP PROCRASTINATING..especially now i'm working..have to be more tough on my self
9. BE A REMAJA!! that means i want to enjoy my life..go out..be young and frequently meet up wif my bff's..despite my restrictions above..erkk
10. i'm really hoping for this one..GET ENGAGED TO FAIZAL..or merisik/meminang whatever that leads to bringing our relationship & families closer together...
praying that i'll achieve these 10 & more for the year ahead..wish me luck ;)
its nearing midnite..31st december 2008..im at home (suprise2 ;p)...and i just got around to realizing ..this year has gone by so fast...yet, so many things have happened..
friendships were made.. goodbyes were said.. and wonderful , wonderful memories were created..
im dedicating this entry to all the people that have further enriched my life in the year 2008..for all your friendship..love..support and prayers..my life has truly been blessed to have all of u in it...thank you and enjoy the reflections....
JANUARY 2008
Welcomed the New Year with syg at klcc..and NO..we didn't spend time smooching at midnite amidst the loud concert and fireworks..we were snuggling warming our butts in TGV..watching war-flick WARLORDS..jet-li, takeshi kaneshiro & andy lau (all my fav actors which clerly shows that i was the one that chose the movie..hehe)
dis month i also went to the Alumni International Conference wif nadia (our unni aye aye mon)
mariam, nadia, aween
and..the unforgettable day our whole studio came to class in white and early (the 1st time in 4 years..hahaha..definitely NOT EXAGGERATING!!)
group pisuke- oil&gas
wonderful girls of pentabusuk boyz of penta
i miss u crazy bunch so much!!!!
FEBRUARY 2008
we were in our final year..but still, labeled ourselves as losers..haha..hope my group pisuke remembers our craziness
we went to petrosains to gather info for our presentation and..we came on a freakin' monday!!
hahah still blurr
so we decided to soothe ourselves by watching eye-candy johnny depp in sweeney todd.hee
11th february was syg & i 1st year anniversary!! yay!!
on february the 23rd we had our pre-graduation dinner at tropicana golf & resort, damansara..it wuz wonderful, beautiful & magical....
we had our final studio trip to penang..it was a real relaxing and unforgettable vacation...
at nite
delicious beriyani
at the airport
where we stayed
MARCH/APRIL 2008
we celebrated pojan and muffin's birthday together-gether in this month..we all crammed into ain's compartment..and ate, ate, ate..oh yeah..plus long hours of playing UNO..lol
march was the month of general elections..so i went to my future sis in-laws house to watch the results on tv, but ended up spending more time drooling over syg's adorable niece
cute uncle and his niece
we had portfolio's at kaed..haida & i converted from QS's to assistant model makers overnight.lol
my syg also came to keep me company in the studio.hehe
march/april also was the month of our final FINAL exams..and we were juggling with our dissertations at the same time too..at the end we had a class photoshoot and headed off to NZ for lunch..
MAY 2008
this is the month where we felt the smell of freedom..final exams over and final draft of dissertation submitted..i started my addiction to gossip girl and on the 8th of May Kaki Jalan & the clan headed north to LANGKAWI ;)
we went by train to kuala kedah at 9pm and reached kedah around 9am the nex morning..the pics will tell the rest...
my classmate in CBN 2001-2002, nur elysa ghazali got married!! it was a sunny sunny day on her wedding ;)
during this time i was working part time at meor associates..QS consultant firm..5 mins away from my house ;p
JUNE 2008
now we're approaching the months that have a lot of weddings..my lecturer/senior got married this month..bro.saifulnizam..we convoi'd all the way from kl to johore for this occassion..
JULY 2008
in this month, my classmate at CBN during form 1-3, nurul afida indriasari got married..we went to her wedding reception in putrajaya..i also took the weekend to go sightseeing there too..heh after afida's wedding, we had another small class reunion at an arabian restaurant..we had so much fun and were sooo noisy..just like we were in class..hahah..most of us hadn't seen each other since high skool ended!
oh yeah, forgot to mention..my syg flew back to sabah in july..so august was spent mainly waiting for him to come back to kl for our convocation...
blue roses
the love of my life
a few days before he went back to sabah again..
some of us
my lecturer took this pic..bro.hanz..
kami buang tabiat di gallery kaed
SEPTEMBER 2008
this month was fasting month..didn't do much apart from doing part time measurement and going to job interviews..we also said good bye n good luck to fashran dis month..dia g manchester sambung his masters..
and we had buka puasa event at kaye's ..in conjunction with his be-early birthday..hehe
NOVEMBER 2008
i skipped october coz x menarik sangat..i was working at and id firm but that only lasted 3weeks and i got a place in PNB..hehe..not much pics..in november was fadzmy's wedding which brought along my faizal to kl..i had soo much fun wif him..even though only for 3days
