wondering. . . .

i can't open my facebook today, pasal reasons yang aku pun tak sure knape..maybe my account has been blocked, or my pc dah corrupt, or its just another reason for me to post an entry to my blog seeing as i can't do my regular activities of feeding my fish in fishville or harvesting my plants in farmville (agak annoying lah nama game ni dua2 ada 'ville-ville'), but thats the only stuff that menjadi my hiburan for now..yeah..pathetic..

stress saya masih di tahap yang sama ..or sebnarnye maybe dah bertambah..i don't know why i should feel so stressed pasal kerja ..lagi hebat lah my stress this weekend is, i have a mountain of docs/work on my table that i knew i could have finished some this weekend, but then..plan suma kena kacau when my parents decided last minute that we go to Melaka for a relatives wedding, and decided also LAST MINUTE..that I would be driving..ok la, aku terima jela..sebab ada ayat2 pedas kat blakang sentence pemberi arahan tu ckp 'nnt ko nk kawin takde org nak datang' ..chess, myampah betul bler kna ugut camtu..im not the tpe of person that takde semangat kekeluargaan to go to our relatives wedding, its just that ..I HATE LAST MINUTE PLANS..that interrupt wif my so-called planned weekend (walaupun plan aku is dengan menjadi loser kat office tanpa gaji tambahan langsung=K.U.L.I)

kenapa kerja aku banyak sangat sampai terpaksa datang time weekends? or even stay back late at work every day? time normal office hours aku tak buat kerja ke? tak sempat ke buat kerja aku yang kira senang tu? hey, ingat aku suka ke? (sori, ini memang internal conflict aku ckp dgn diri sendiri)

so aku sendiri yang wondering why aku sangat stress macam ni? why my timbunan kerja tu tak surut..im wondering...am i  a slow worker? am i so stupid i cant get things done quickly? ive been thinking too much..and to give my self some slack..aku rasa..

1) oklaa..maybe i can be a bit faster...but all my works are subject to go thru freking procedures...procedures that im learning step-by-step...dept ni comment then patah balik kt aku, buat kja byk2, laju2..still the thing comes back on my desk again..mmg la tak jalan kja tu...SALAH AKU KE TU? aku ni pekerja hingusan je..slambe kna jerit2 kat phone, buat bingit telinga je..pastu bengang gak bler urgent calls tak dijawab2..

2) i am no superwoman, mintak aku buat 10 kerja and expect it all to be done in a few hours, oh itu adalah mustahil...truthfully speaking..my working weekdays most of the documentation works..tak bergerak pon...pelbagai jenis meeting kena join...settlekan adhoc stuff that everything is urgent..dah takleh nak prioritize works dah..coz EVERYTHING IS FREAKING URGENT..

3) perluke aku dicall setiap hari untuk dikejar & deeply interviewed by org2 berkenaan tuk tanye progress payment/tenancy/requests kat ne..ok la call skali-skala..email ke...ini aku serabut nak puaskan hati semua orang..kna layan lagi panggilan yang sume nak cepat...otak aku jadi freeze..u know like brainfreeze..cakap bukan skejap lak tu..lama nak mampos..direct line, handphone all ringing at once.. HELLOOOOOOO..INI BUKAN CALL CENTER YE! 

mintak maaf banyak2 pembaca..i dont even know why im typing mostly in malay when selalunye if im angry i'll be talking/typing english..mungkin itu tande serabut sangat..

am i whining too much..did i ask for it...? entah..i like having challenges in work..but how can this be challenging when my work cant seem to go even an inch forward? i just hope people can see that im trying my best..putting my usual plastic smiley face on & being the hypocratic happy-go-lucky aween..yela..senyum la selebar mana..dalam hati sape yang tahu...

in this case i just eat ice-cream..a lotttt

cute stress ball huh? just like my plastic face mask

its not that im not appreciating this opportunity to learn as much as i can, buat kja blambak2 skaligus...aku sangat menghargai..im getting to learn much more faster & deeper about being a so-called real estate something...its just that, i pressure myself to have certain limits..to do everything as quickly as i can..to puaskan hati everyone...my managment, my consultants, my tenants, my clients..kalu boleh aku nak dorg sume happy dgn quality & express work from me & my co..cuma when i feel that i haven't achieved that target.. i feel..like a loser yang sangat lampi & slow..yeah..an all people will see is just the negativeness right? yang positvite nampak ke? nampak ke? im doing work with the small experience of 6 months..tak bagus ke jugak tu..ye, im a person that likes to be acknowledged..at least ppl sholud not just judge me on the surface je..

sekarang ni what im doing is totally like below:

hahaha..itula dia sesi luahan apetah feelings yang dah takleh aku nak describe dah...terima kasih encik keyboard yang menjadi mangsa hentakan2 ganas jari jemariku yang geram & bengang ni :)

p/s: my sarcasm hasn't gone anywhere so im the same ol me anyway.yeah